Lorelai's Stressful Life
by The Original Madness Hero
Summary: S Happens...Especially to Lorelai


Late one night at Luke's Diner, someone broke in. Nothing was stolen…well almost nothing. The next morning when Luke awoke and walked down and seen a huge mess. "Zen Luke, Zen" then he looked over to the open/closed sign to make sure it was still closed and it was. Then he grabbed a broom and began sweeping. Soon after he began he heard a sound in one of the cabinets. Luke began to walk toward it. He heard a groan and then he stopped and asked. "Are you at all human?"

"No I am not!" Said whatever was in the cabinet. "Why would you think I was such a vile creature?"

"I assumed only because you speak English, all the animals I happen to know of don't speak English?" Luke said calmly.

"Hmm. I guess you are right. Now animals speak English do they?" said whoever was in the cabinet.

"So why don't you come out then?" Luke asked calmly.

"Okay." Then out crawled Kirk.

"Kirk, what the hell are you doing? In my cabinet with coffee spilled everywhere?-You still got some in your mouth and hair. What is your problem?" Luke said on the brink of losing his Zen attitude. "How Did you even get in here? I know for a fact that I locked all five locks on the door."

"Well you see my problem begins with my mom. You have to understand that she used to give me coffee instead of milk up until I turned 6 then she gave me a lot of milk, vegetables to make sure that she didn't stunt my growth. Then I was dreaming about coffee and then next thing I know I am consuming mass amounts of the best coffee in all of Stars Hollow."

"Well Kirk…" Luke began. "You can help me by leaving or grabbing that broom."

"I will leave" Kirk made quickly for the door.

"I thought so." Luke went back to his Zen-like state and just then Lorelai waltz in. "What's with the dancing? Are you taking lessons?"

"Not I, w-what happened to your diner?" Lorelai said shocked.

"Kirk's dream happened. He dreamt about his mother and magically broke into my diner through all five locks."

"And you didn't go nuclear?" Lorelai said still shocked

"Zen Lorelai, Zen" Luke said as he breathed deeply. "So" Luke changed his Zen-like tone "I assume you talked Christopher in to dance lessons? I'm impressed I didn't think it was possible." Luke said sarcastically.

"Well, Luke." Lorelai said firmly. "If you put it like that then sure…" She suddenly smiled "Oh! And I have a surprise you. I don't know if you will like it but I went and did it anyway so two weeks from now, please have the whole weekend off." She begged. Luke blinked. "Done", Luke said to her.

"Alright, umm well thank you and I will see you around alright?" Luke nodded. "Thank you." She said as she made her way to the door over the coffee grounds. Half out the door she turned around, "Oh and Luke?" He looked up from sweeping. "I love you." Then Lorelai quickly left.

Luke continued sweeping, then he heard a hundred footsteps and looked up to see his soccer team all standing in the front of his diner. He walked to the door opening it half way and said "Sorry girls I am closed till later today because of this huge mess."

"Awww…" The girls whined. "You know there is a game today and we gotta eat before the game."

"I am sorry girls I can't clean any faster because no one wants to help ol' Luke." He smiled "Unless you girls wanna help. Then you can eat sooner."

"Yeah!" They all cheered. Then rushed into the diner and started randomly cleaning anything and everything. Within minutes Luke's Diner was spotless. So what do you girls want for breakfast. Then Luke prepared breakfast for each of those girls himself, though he was thrown off on why Lorelai said she loved him.

Later on that night, Lorelai was at Sookie's house. Venting about everything.

"Lorelai, Lorelai calm down. I feel your blood pressure rising from here." Sookie touched Lorelai's arm "Ooh that's like 130 over 95 there Lorelai you need to calm yourself."

"How can I?!" Lorelai Screamed "When Luke still thinks I'm with Christopher and Max called me five minutes before I got here and basically told me he was coming over for a night cap? This can't happen I mean, I just don't understand." Lorelai complained

"Well." Sookie started. "Aren't you still with Christopher?"

"No, well yes…okay well only kinda. You see when I see him I am going to break it to him and tell him that my feelings have changed" Lorelai explained, Sookie winced. "Harsh I know don't tell me I heard about it from this new kid I hired at the Dragon Fly Inn."

"You hired someone new? Who is this person? Oh! Is he there with Michelle?" Sookie asked as if she was interrogating Lorelai.

"I don't wanna sound like a racist but he is this black kid about twenty one and no, he isn't there will with Michelle, because he has problems with people whining all that time. So we ordered him breakfast and he put laxatives in it. I think he said his name was…" She stopped to think of it. "Umm…oh it was Titus." Lorelai said.

"Wow Lorelai, I didn't know we were a equal opportunity employer. Wow I feel like a pioneer in the small business history. This is something so amazing. So how do you think he is doing right now?" Sookie asked exited.

"I don't know...wait he is calling now." Lorelai answered her phone. "Hello? Hey how are things? Did Michelle call in yet? No, good. So do you have any questions? A party? What, well tell them if there is even one minor in there they can't have alcohol. Well then please tell them to be careful and drink responsibly. For swizzle. Peace." Lorelai looked at Sookie. "You don't think I over did it with trying to make him fell comfortable?"

Sookie looked at here confused, "I really don't know you should ask him about it the next time you see him."

"I will. But can you even believe what Max is doing? I mean it is not in anyway reasonable. He just demanded a night cap, kinda. And he is going to be at my house in 20 minutes. Okay sorry Sookie for just complaining about all this but I must go, NOW!" Lorelai made her way out the door.

"Bye Lorelai" Sookie said to the closed door.

Lorelai met Max just getting out his car when she got to her house.

"Wow, I thought you were objecting to this? What made you change your mind?"

"I am have a stressing night now. What did you bring?" Max lifted up a bottle of wine, vodka and some raspberry soda. "Max have you had a 'Rory'?" Lorelai asked in a joking tone.

"No, Lorelai I have not and will not have sex with you daughter." Max Said. Lorelai looked at him with disprovement. "Why did you ask?"

"My daughter has her own drink has here own drink that everyone in Stars Hollow has at least tried. I thought you would at least heard about it." Lorelai said. Then it began raining. Lorelai looked at Max. I guess you want to come inside right?" Max nodded. "Lets go" Lorelai said to him as they made there way to the door. When they got to they door, Rory and Logan ran out the door. Then they stop and spoke a quick word of 'hello' and continued out to Logan's car. "Well that was quick." Lorelai snapped.

"Yeah" Max agreed. Then they continued in the house. The two of them entered Lorelai Living room and Max instantly lowered the lights. "So what this so called 'Rory'?"

"Its like drinking a My Little Pony." Said Luke as he walked out from the kitchen and out the door with out breaking a stride. "Oh and I was here because Rory called and told me the sink was leaking." Then continued out the door.

"Bye Luke" Lorelai said in a faint and sad voice. She began to tear up and then she looked to Max. Then she grabbed the wine and vodka. "This is a 'Rory'". She mixed herself a drink and let Max let his own. As Lorelai began to sip her drink Max tried to lighten the mood.

"How does she taste?"

Lorelai glared at him through the corner of her eye. As she turned to him "That wasn't even close to funny Max. I know my daughter does not taste like a my little pony." She looked at the time. "Ooh it's eleven thirty. Give me a second please..."

At the Dragon Fly Inn the phone rang. "Hello thank you for calling the Dragon Fly Inn... Oh hey Lorelai. Everything is good here, the party is lame. They are playing Toby Keith."

"Its Kimmie Rhodes asshole!" Said one of the people at the party.

"Excuse me its _Kimmie Rhodes._ Who ever in God's name that is, and they are doing karaoke. On top of it to Michael Bolton. It's killing me. Oh and you don't need to pretend you know ebonics. I can talk straight. You have no need to look up every other word in the urban dictionary...Yes I _can _call Michelle the question is do I want to...If he bitches can I fire him? I can't, why not? What french customs does he bring to the Dragon Fly?" He paused, then raised and eyebrow "_French_ _Toast,_ ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Titus questioned in disbelief and amazement. "That isn't even French, its like Dutch. Anyway, then I will call him and see if he will tell me how to close. Alrigh-" Titus looked around at all the people that shot him weird looks. "-tuh umm Lorelai...Would be a possibility if you could send that Sookie person you told me so much about instead of me calling Michelle? Why? Because these people have apparently never seen a person of color that isn't Fifty Cent..For the record he lives in North Connecticut." Alright send her like NOW please?... Thanks, bye" He hung up the phone and he looked over at the guest. Titus started to draw a blank. "Lets play some Tim McGraw!" He threw his hand in there air as if cheering. Then he thought to his self "If anyone I knew seen this my ghetto pass would be revoked everywhere, including North Dakota."

While back at Lorelai's house, her and Max were laying together on her couch.

"Wow well at least the Dragon Fly is okay." Then she giggled "Max what did you come over here for, honestly. Did you wanna see me or just to get something?" she looked at him and he could tell she at least had a little buzz.

"I came here for you, and your body. Oh I also got you something." He pulled out a **big **box of chocolates. "I thought you might want this."

"Oh my goodness, Max thanks" she said as she ripped through the package. Then she began devouring the chocolates.

Max looked at her as if she was a starving dinosaur eating after three weeks. "Do even taste those?"

"Yes chocolate heaven." Lorelai said in between mouthfuls.

"Then you don't because there are cherries in those. So please don't choke in them." Max cautioned her.

"I will be okay Max. Woman were made to eat all sorts of chocolate...Ugh!" She spit a truffle out. "Except that. What was that." Lorelai looked like she wanted to accuse him of trying to poison her.

"That would be Canadian chocolate. Its is from Quebec City. I thought you might like it, but I guess not." Max apologized

"No I don't" she said as she ate everything around the other Canadian surprise. Max reached in his bag and got and aphrodisiac candle and lit it then place it on the table. He slowly began stroking her stomach and then he kissed her on the cheek. Then there was the sound of a door closing. "Did you hear that?" Lorelai said in a state of shock.

"No. You must still be stressed." Max tried to recover.

"I guess your right. I still feel kind of tense." She said. Then Max stroked the inside her thighs. He kissed her on her neck and then put his hand under her shirt on her stomach. Max whispered in her ear. "Wanna top tonight off?" Lorelai just nodded. He turned on her back and moved her hand up to her breast. Max kissed her gently on her lips and help her take her shirt of. He removed her bra and started to kiss her chest. Until he was interupted.

"Ahem Can I help you??"

By the way 50 Cents real house is in Connecticut. Look it up on Google it is.


End file.
